Staying Grounded During Thanksgiving
Coping Skills for Navigating Difficult or Complicated Family Dynamics
Thanksgiving brings many people a mix of connection, stress, joy, and emotional strain. Even in loving families, old patterns can show up quickly. Roles feel familiar. Comments feel predictable. The pressure to have a good day can make everything feel heavier.
This guide offers practical tools from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and Solution-Focused Therapy. These approaches do not require deep conversations or emotional repair. They focus on getting through the day with steadiness, clarity, and self-respect.
Accepting That Family Can Be Imperfect and Still Important
Many people arrive at Thanksgiving knowing their family can be challenging, unpredictable, or emotionally inconsistent. Some may expect occasional unkindness while still wanting a relationship. This is a normal and deeply human experience.
People may stay connected to difficult family members because:
• The relationship holds history or meaning
• There are moments of warmth or familiarity
• Hope for occasional positive interactions remains
• Personal or cultural values emphasize connection
• Completely distancing would bring its own grief or loss
Wanting contact does not mean accepting harmful behavior. It means finding a level of connection that feels manageable and safe for you.
Solution-Focused Skills: Keeping Thanksgiving Manageable
Solution-Focused Therapy shifts attention toward small, doable steps rather than trying to fix everything.
Before the day, or even during it, consider:
• What would help the day feel even ten percent easier
• Who feels grounding to sit near or talk to
• What breaks you can take
• What helped during a past holiday that went better than expected
Focusing on what is workable reduces overwhelm and increases your sense of control.
ACT Skill: Allowing Emotions Without Fighting Them
ACT begins with willingness. You do not need to force yourself to feel grateful or relaxed. You can allow your internal experience to be present without letting it take over.
A simple practice:
Notice what you are feeling
Name it
Let it be there, even briefly
Remember that you still choose your actions
Examples:
“I notice tension in my chest.”
“I notice irritation showing up.”
Allowing emotions to exist reduces the pressure to hide or suppress them.
ACT Skill: Stepping Back From Automatic Thoughts
Holiday gatherings often trigger automatic thoughts such as:
“They always treat me this way.”
“I have to keep the peace.”
“This day will fall apart.”
Instead of trying to argue with your mind, ACT encourages a helpful phrase:
“I am having the thought that…”
For example:
“I am having the thought that I am responsible for everyone’s mood.”
This simple wording creates distance between you and the thought so you can respond more intentionally.
DBT Skill: Grounding Your Body When Stress Rises
When emotions climb quickly, grounding your body helps settle the nervous system. A few discreet DBT strategies include:
• Slow, steady breathing
• Feeling your feet firmly on the ground
• Noticing five things around you
• Taking a short walk or stepping outside
• Running warm or cool water over your hands
These skills help bring your body back to a place where you can think more clearly.
DBT Skill: Boundaries That Are Calm and Brief
DBT teaches that boundaries do not need to be confrontational. They can be simple and steady. Here are supportive examples:
“I’m going to step outside for a few minutes.”
“I hear you. I’m going to stick with what works for me today.”
“I’m not able to talk about that topic.”
Two DBT principles help guide these boundaries:
• FAST (Fair, no unnecessary Apologies, Stick to your values, Truthful) to maintain self-respect.
• GIVE (Gentle, show Interest, Validate where appropriate, use an Easy manner) to keep interactions calm when needed.
These approaches support staying connected on your terms.
Accepting a Relationship With Limits
Many people eventually reach a place of realistic acceptance. They stop expecting the relationship to meet emotional needs it has never met. This shift can bring relief.
The mindset becomes:
“I can maintain some connection, and I can do it in a way that protects my well-being.”
This might include:
• Shorter visits
• Neutral conversation
• Leaving early
• Changing the setting
• Focusing on the people who feel safer
• Allowing emotional distance even if physical distance is small
This is a balanced, healthy way to maintain a relationship that matters while honoring your boundaries.
Closing: Thanksgiving Does Not Need to Be Perfect
Thanksgiving does not need to be transformative. You do not need to resolve long-standing family issues at the table. It is enough to approach the day with clarity and compassion for yourself.
If your family is difficult, that does not say anything negative about your strength or character. You can care about your family and still protect your emotional health. You can stay connected while honoring your limits.
If you want support navigating family stress or learning steady coping skills, Clear Mind Counseling is here to help. Our team can help you explore what you need, build confidence in your boundaries, and move through the holidays with more ease.
